Amanda Greever

I had a conversation with my friend Jon that left me both disgusted and dismayed.

I lamented to him that it seems that a good chunk of my friends are getting married, having babies (or getting pregnant), moving and/or getting new jobs. We started discussing the stages of marriage and how having a baby can impact the relationship.

Jon is happily married with two beautiful daughters but that doesn’t mean he isn’t a little jaded. The conversation started going downhill when he noted that women “turn off” as soon as they are with child. He even went so far as to say that women will use sex to get a ring.

But those weren’t the most offensive comments. No, Jon implied something much worse. He started making the argument that women latch on to a mate who can provide security, safety and oh, yeah, a baby. He noted that throughout the course of mankind, women have sought out men because only they can provide the necessities: survival, shelter, protection, food and children.

It was at this point in the conversation that I really started to get irritated. He wasn’t willing to give into the notion that women don’t really need men for any of those things anymore. In his opinion, we still look for a mate that can provide what we want. He spoke of symmetrical figures, health, the ability to provide, et cetera. He said both men and women look for these things. In other (my) words, men look for women who would be a good “breeder,” and women look for men who look “spermy.”

Yes, that’s blunt, but this man had managed to make romantic relationships everywhere nothing more than a means to an end: the continuation of the human race. No, it’s not that I think procreation is the furthest thing from our minds. In fact, I’ve been thinking a lot about the future lately, and I’d love to have a house full of children. However, I don’t look at a potential mate and wonder what his sperm count is nor do I want him to look at me and decide that I have good birthing hips.

I already have commitment issues. I already have trust issues. I’ve never actually had a relationship that wasn’t dysfunctional in some way and now I’m supposed to wonder if he will be the provider and sperm donor every girl secretly wants.

Yes, relationships further the human race. Babies are made and popped out every day somewhere on this planet. However, a man’s ability to give me children isn’t at the top of my list, and I don’t think it was at the top of Jon’s either. In his opinion, we have progressed far enough that we don’t have to specifically worry about whether a mate will be a good provider … that’s just a built-in function in our brains.

Here’s the thing. My ideal man is intelligent, funny, quirky and absolutely crazy about me. Yes, if things go swimmingly, then we will look at the next steps: marriage, kids, a dog and a cat.

To me, babies and continuing the human race are things that simply happen. Every day someone makes the choice not to have children, but on the flip side, every day someone finds out that a baby is on the way. That isn’t met with a “Sweet! The human race isn’t going to end yet!”

Perhaps buried beneath all my cynicism lies a romantic that still thinks boy meets girl and fireworks shoot off in the sky.