‘Incredible shrinking me’ has ups, downs
I had to use a safety pin one day this week to hold my pants up. I suppose it was a major battle won in my battle of the bulge. After all, it has to be a good sign that my clothes are getting too big for me, right?
And I’ll admit, friends, family and co-workers have all been pretty complimentary when it comes to noticing my weight loss. Or my new hair color. And as of yesterday, cut and style. It’s like I’m becoming a whole new woman, apparently.
But I have to admit that my path to the incredible shrinking me hasn’t been without its bumps. I’m discovering that the more weight I lose, the more I’m noticing my size before. And the more weight I’m deciding I need to lose. Before you jump to conclusions, I don’t have a problem. Not yet, anyway, although I don’t foresee it in my future. My view of myself isn’t skewed or twisted or three times my actual size.
No, every ripple, every bulge, every extra ounce of fat is actually all there and all mine. I claim them all, but I don’t have to like them.
I’d paid $7 for the pants I had to safety pin. They were one of my fabulous clearance rack finds. And they got my head spinning. I still couldn’t get my pin tight enough to suit me. And if I’d only paid $7 in the first place, were they worth saving anyway?
Losing weight means that a lot of my clothing simply doesn’t fit the way it should anymore. A friend of mine said she remembers when her 10s and 12s started hanging on her. She told me that I should just wait till I have to buy a size 4 pair of pants. A size 4 … now that’s a crazy thought.
So, do I go out and buy new outfits? It’s not exactly a cheap endeavor, and as my Mom pointed out, I don’t exactly have the money to go out and buy a new wardrobe. But shouldn’t I get rid of the clothing that simply doesn’t fit anymore? Or do I keep it, just in case I grow back into it? Yeah, I know that’s defeatist thinking, but I’m not exactly the most positive person you’ll ever meet.
Who knew that losing weight would give me all these neuroses? Especially since I’ve already developed enough as it is.
A friend of mine and I were talking today about the comments people make when you noticeably lose weight. Someone kept telling her how fabulous she looks these days, etc. He kept emphasizing how different she looks. He pointed out that she just looks like a whole new person, etc. At this point, it wasn’t flattery anymore. But therein lies the problem. If he really didn’t mean malice, then was he simply going too heavy on the compliments and the niceness overload came across the wrong way? Where is the line drawn?
See? I told you I have neuroses. I’m not good at accepting compliments in the first place. And now they seem even harder to take. Oh, at first, I loved it! It was great hearing people telling me I’m slimming down. But slowly, at some point, the compliments weren’t so flattering anymore, and I started looking at pictures of me at my heaviest. I’ll be honest: I was kind of disgusted. And no, that girl isn’t me anymore, but I still find it hard to be content with my progress.
So yeah, I’m working on losing weight but I’m also working on losing my negative attitude. Apparently the journey to a lighter me isn’t just a battle of the bulge but a battle of the mind. My journey probably won’t end with me in a size 4, but as long as I’m healthy and happy, maybe that won’t matter so much. Keep your fingers crossed.